Some people say if something we are doing is not working, awareness of this glitch is the "first step." After all, they might reason, we wouldn't even see an "innocuous habit" as a Problem with out awareness. I am more proactive, plus I'm a body worker and therefore solution-oriented. I think this logic is actually only a half step, and provides a stopping place for needed change. On the bright side, a half step gets us off the spot we've been occupying for perhaps years. But it is important to ask "How long will acknowledging a (fill in the blank) problem actually change the negative effect on my life?"
(In defense of many, it is a testament to the magnitude of self-improvement that people stop on the precipice of "awareness is the first step.") My question to a person using awareness as a stopping place is, "Do you want to improve your life?"
If you really want to take the first step, look beyond awareness. This is unknown territory where we are faced with the real shocker: it's Your problem.
This is like putting both feet on the train rather than standing with one foot on the platform. Owning your problem will get you in deep, will show you a path you took for a very good reason sometime in your past. Most importantly, owning your problem takes all the responsibility off everyone else and plops it right where it belongs, on you. At some point that choice you made all those years ago needed to be re-evaluated, but for whatever reason, you didn't go there.
Once you've taken the first step to improve your health and well-being you are faced with the hardest part: staying in the discomfort until a new path emerges.
If you are committed to self-improvement, as the moment to check-out of awareness looms and you decide to wait and learn from it, life becomes uncomfortable.Our minds have carefully constructed escape routes to take us away from this moment. The first thing we do is engage a habit. This is sneaky, because there are benefit of habits. They are necessary, they keep us involved in life rather than giving complete focus to menial tasks like washing dishes or making breakfast. The thing about habits is that they either make your time more efficient or successfully waste it for you. Are you employing these highly useful tools to distract you from an emotional experience? Are you conscious of what some habits are hiding from you?
The one useful suggestion I have at this point is to practice impulse control: ask "Why?"
"Why do I refuse to speak before my first sip of coffee?" "Why do I say the same thing to the first person I see at work?" "Why do I go to the liquor store at the beginning of a shopping trip?"
This may seem tedious and exaggerated, but it's one way you can make all of your choices conscious.Many of your answers, if you are honest, are quite legitimate. "I don't feel human before java jolts me into reality." "I am juggling my keys, cell phone and brief case as I walk in the office and just want to get to my desk." "I have a date every Friday and want to get the wine while I'm at the store." These are perfectly truthful answers and productive uses of habitual actions.
It's when you and find another person as the subject, or becoming irritated at your mind for inquiring that you have found a habit covering a poor choice. "Coffee reminds me of a time when life was happy." "This job sucks and I don't want to share my personal life here." "My father did it that way." These are clues that you are on auto-pilot and could benefit from deeper examination of your choices.
What to do once a well-formed habit is no longer hiding an on-going, negative choice? My advise is to ask: "how do I feel with this?" And then be real.
You know improving your life is not going to happen with the same habits that took it down. So begin to get into your life in the moment. The most readily available tool we all have for this act of self love is our breath. It can be your shuttle into feelings that inform you of previous choices. Our breath is the most powerful tool we have to release physical discomforts that are a result of suppressed emotions. As you are choosing to wait and ask why, whatever you've been hiding from will emerge. You can detect this event of emergence because it will change how you breathe. At this moment your breath will represent for you the protective mechanism you activated to shield yourself from difficult experiences in the past. It got you through those moments then and it will get you through the moment now.
The only rule of breathing through a feeling is Let it Go!
I suggest that if you are diving into this openning you be in a safe place and have a good amount of time available. In our culture we have a strangely useful increment of time called "an hour" which is a good amount of time if you are going into completely new territory. If it's a place you've seen and are braving repeat forays to gather more information, 15 to 30 minutes might work well. Mainly I want to emphasize the actual fact: if a poor choice has been hidden deep enough to have an obviously negative effect on your life, it will take a few trips to identify the root.
For most of us, myself included, the first time we look this closely at our lives is a point of crisis. It could initiate a major life change or an earnest "house cleaning" spree. As you learn more about why a choice has entrenched itself in your life you might become aware that outside assistance is needed. I will venture no guidance at this point as this is a highly personalized moment. You have already found the way into your heart, the answers are ready for you to know.
 |
| "Heart Plunger" : one of the hundreds of Art Therapy pieces I did at the beginning of Shiatsu school. |
