Confessions of a Yoga Practitioner, Part 3.

Having glimpsed how sick I was, how could I get well?...Ma? 

Picking up from the deep ceremonies, yes, I came away from Crestone as if out of my own grave. Plant medicine opened me to knowledge of ancient practices. Specifically I went straight to tending the fire, the active, illuminating and purifying agent. In the space of plant medicine my soul path, that of a spiritual seeker, was clear. I gazed at it avidly for almost three years.

The ceremony had became an indulgence. This could only go on for so long until my life broke down. The marriage came unhinged. It became impossible to ignore that I had given away all my power to a dream life.

My spiritual wandering was called into action. The 5 years of marriage allowed me to amass a collection of therapy tools. Along with ceremony, I had studied the Human Design System, astrology, Non-Violent Communication, and had been given a book by Angeles Arrien which contains the Four Universal Addictions*. 

*Four Universal Addictions

1. The addiction to intensity. The unclaimed human resource is the expression of love.
2. The addiction to perfection. The unclaimed human resource is the expression of excellence and the right use of power.
3. The addiction to the need to know. The unclaimed human resource is the expression of wisdom.
4. The addiction to being fixated on what’s not working rather than what is working. The unclaimed human resource is the expression of vision and ways of looking at the whole.

Arrien, Angeles, The Four-Fold Way: Walking the Paths of the Warrior, Teacher, Healer, and Visionary. New York: HarperCollins, 1993

After the divorce, 2009, a year of group therapy taught me two more powerful tools to identify and disarm my own painful background energy. The first was knowledge that shame, blame and guilt are the three most toxic things in the human experience. The second was a letter writing exercise to unload the emotional hooks between myself and anyone I felt resentment toward.

Important to note, just because the tools were learned doesn't mean I used them all the time.

I reconnected with Aikido and then started lunchtime kettkebell classes at the dojo. Many students stayed with me through a recertification phases which switched the format from lifting for strength to Kettlebell Sport. About a year into the switch my classes came to an end, but my passion to compete did not. I quit Aikido and yoga to give lifting all of my energy.

Seven years of competing with Kettlebell Sport was a way for me to be the focal point of my life. I was good at it, my coach constantly propped up my ego with bonuses on training every time I would win, I dominated my weight class. It brought out the worst and the best in me. Specifically the balance of poison/medicine found in excessive use of willpower and mental discipline.

The primary poison: my family culture had conditioned my mind with image awareness. This battle will never be won. Even as I excelled at the sport my feeling of "not perfect" was driven deeper with every competition. Kettlebell Sport is organized in weight classes. Though never more than 10 pounds overweight, I had struggled psychologically with the number on the scale since 14 years old. Having a weigh-in before competitions added strain to my tenous self-confidence.

The primary medicine: I was building new self-awareness. It was a time when I truly saw how natural the renunciate life is for me. Though I pushed the edge of my physical health I found myself in the discipline. The weightlifting days proved to me that hard work and desire for a goal produce both success and humility. 

Eventually the injuries no longer justified the reward. The depth of mental discipline I developed is the real gold from those days. The greatest psychological breakthrough was acknoledging how long I had been in denial. I was an addict. An intensity junkie hooked on the possibility of perfection, fuelling self-doubt with fixation on the negative results.

Quitting an amateur athlete career produced an identity crisis. Though gym culture was always an awkward fit, I was no longer a "gym rat." Seeking a place to belong I returned to Aikido. I knew that Ashtanga Vinyasa was the needed therapy but my fragile ego was not ready to release the emotional trauma I had built into my chest and low back. The practice of martial arts was an easier transition.

Almost 2 years later I faced the fact that nothing was going to change in me if I didn't surrender my precious emotional triggers. Once I "took refuge" in Ashtanga Vinyasa it became my healing sanctuary. When a teacher started me on the Intermediate Series the chest-opening sequence cracked open my emotional flood gates. On the plus side, a yoga shala is the safest place for someone to break down a few times each week. Everyone there has been and may be headed back through this transformative process. 

Between 2018 and 2022 the Ashtanga practice and periodic dietary cleanses served as a therapy duo that eased my ego/mind into a new way of being. The process was a path to my true nature, my soft heart. I found inner strength in vulnerability. For the first time I connected with the depth of Love that is within my own heart.

Once the routine became established I realized a curiosity to understand the "how" and "why" of everything in the asana sequences. There were no teachers who could answer "how" to find the root of each pose. The common answer I received was that everyone takes their own route, there is no one way to find correct alignment.

This question lead me to the Ashtanga Vinyasa Month-Long Teachers Intensive in 2022. This was a major turning point. There was remembrance that the yogic path called me more than all other paths. I craved the study of sanskrit. I saught deeper knowledge of the Vedas and for the first time ever wanted a spiritual discipline. Coming home to my original fascination with yoga, all I wanted was Ashtanga Vinyasa, pranayama, sanskrit study and lectures on Advaita Vedanta via YouTube for fill my days.

Life changed rapidly in the following years. I did a series of Candida Cleanses to allow my body to reset itself. My entire system was ready for accelerated healing.

Autumn Equinox of 2023 was when I committed to spiritual life, no longer seeking for a physically intimate relationship but rather God Realization. The next year I shed all possessions that did not fit into my car and journeyed forth on The Yoga Trail. It was a trust-fall much like the one I took during college that lead me to Shiatsu. The major difference being 25 years of Shiatsu practice, 20 years of Aikido and athletic training, wisdom gained, and a strong passion to teach/learn Ashtanga Vinyasa.

It has been as you may have heard, with earnest seeking the universe sets forth the path. I've been tracking the path in my new home in Missoula, Montana, slowly rebuilding the Ashtanga community that had been there before a sudden shake-up in 2019.

And so it is in the world of this Yoga Practitioner. If you have read this far I wish you peace and love as you continue on your own inner path.

Blessings to All,

Christian

Confessions of a Yoga Practitioner, Part 2.

 Seeing the past and progressing inward. This part is not on the map.

One of my Shiatsu classmates was an Ashtanga Yoga teacher who saw my natural athleticism and enticed me to the highly structured yoga lane. I have to remind myself it was my early twenties during those three years of study in Boston. I practiced everything I wanted to become good at and charted my daily practices. Having read Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin in high school, I adopted the habit as a way of "refining my character". The columns on my practice sheet included martial arts, yoga/stretching, QiGong/Tai Chi, and art.

I noticed that on weeks closer to my moon cycle I wasn't able to attend as many marital arts or yoga classes, but did more drawing & art, and QiGong/Tai Chi sessions. This internal focus, I learned much later, is a natural direction for women. Probably my most productive years for art.

These foundational years set the tone for this current practitioner lifestyle.

During the Boston years boyfriends came and went. I thought about partnering with women but was too afraid to get into anything so intense. As mentioned in the previous post, I didn't know how to be a good person & wasn't prepared for the level of healing a woman would catalyze. Men would give the attention I wanted, have sex with me, and let go when I broke it off. They were all good people who I wanted as friends but didn't know how to have intimate friendships at that point. Considering how promiscuous I was in this phase it amazes me that I didn't get pregnant or STDs. 

None of my sex partners were intended for long-term relationships partly because I knew Boston wasn't my right place. I longed to be in Colorado with tall peaks in view. High altitude, fewer tall buildings and people was the environment my soul had learned in childhood. Divine Grace stepped in again in the form of a boyfriend/biking partner. The classmate who first lead me through Ashtanga connected me with a friend who wanted to relocate from Manhattan to somewhere West. When he asked "you want to bike the Colorado together?" I said YES!

The three month bicycle trip of 1999 is etched in my memory as the transition into professional Shiatsu practice, and the dawning awareness of just how hard of a person I had become. 

In the next two years I took regular doses of the "spiritual path Kool-Aid". I studied astrology, continued my Shiatsu education with every possible training, learned Organ Cleansing QiGong, and switched from karate to Aikido. Looking back on my 27-year-old self I see the fight my ego was in to release it's distorted perspective. That boyfriend took me to Thailand on a 4-month volunteer trip which completely turned me inside out. Upon returning to the US, Thanksgiving of 2001, I could not envision a future in that relationship. We were at his mother's house in upstate New York for the holiday. The Shiatsu classmate who had brought me to Ashtanga and his current girlfriend were there. It was the last time I saw him to date.

Just as I was deciding to embark on a deeper dive into yoga, Kettlebell weight lifting came in the form of a husband. This was how I ended the previous relationship. I needed the spiritual focus of the man I married, which the boyfriend was adamantly committed against. Apparently I wasn't ready to give up hard-core strength building yet and ending up with certifications to teach weight lifting rather than yoga. In 2006 I learned Ashtanga Vinyasa Primary Series from Annie Pace in Crestone, CO. 

Living in Crestone for 3 years was the ultimate healing gift for me. Situated at the foot of 3 huge mountains and just north of the Great Sand Dunes, historically this is a place of spiritual and healing retreat. The mountains themselves create sacred presence, combined with the mystical dunes and natural hot springs just to the north, Crestone emits the energy of high spirituality. 

Crestone is so off-the-beaten-path that only those intrigued by it's mystery would venture in. Settlers eventually created infrastructure and built homes, though very few were able to live there all year. It truly had a spiritual magnet, which I felt tangibly. It pulled people in for healing and awakening and then spitting them back out when the time had past. Very few couples survive the Great Cleansing that Crestone dishes out.

By virtue of my marriage partner I was able to engage with a medicine community for most of the three years. This was the actualization of a vision I had before Shiatsu school. I was aware that my mind had too many warps to be an effective helper of humanity. Shiatsu school showed me just how deep were the wounds in my ego, but there was no talk therapy method I trusted to help me untwist these knots. I knew it was a plant medicine cure that would help me emerge. I was convinced that the ceremony was vitally important, held by a group in a sacred container. Indeed, this is what I needed, the path of Grandfather Peyote in the Lakota tradition.

When the marriage broke in 2008 I returned to Boulder as if exhumed. The medicine had shown me my character flaws, how I had used them in shadow aspect to damage myself and others. I was on the narrow path of recovery from the multiple addictions I had cultivated. 

Clients and dojo mates welcomed me back. There was support for me to reassess my bad habits. I quit marijuana, which had been the primary glue that held the marriage bond, and took self-guided yoga practice as auxiliary to weightlifting. I got into a one-year group therapy program which provided tremendous tools and a container to view my ego through. There was still so much resistance and denial to be broken through.

I certainly wasn't good or confident enough to teach yoga, but had weightlifting down pat. So began the Years of Steel. 

After deviating on a 7-year competitive kettlebell weightlifting stint I found myself sitting in an all-night ceremony asking Great Mystery how to make my body feel less miserable. It became as clear as ever that night that my life is not my own. Shiatsu and the study of natural healing had remained my primary work, supporting the addictions to intensity and perfection that took me so deeply into competing. I also allowed me to study physiology, engage in deep cleanses that had highly educational effects. The morning after that ceremony I quit lifting steel competitively. It was 2017. A major identity crisis ensued.

This story has to have another part. To be continued.

Blessings,

Christian

Confessions of a Yoga Practitioner, Part 1.

Discovering the path I was born to travel.

At some point between age 14 and 16 yoga came into my awareness. It both fascinated and intimidated me. Asceticism and self-discipline were the words that stood out. Born in the early '70s to parents raised in Texas, USA, there was little for me to draw on, though it seemed to me that these words also described the life of Christian monastics. On first glance I saw that the background culture of yoga is polytheism, thus I remember it being labelled "heathenism".

I was deeply pulled toward spiritual life, but remember thinking that I wanted to try out other options first. I believed that devotion to God was an exclusive proposition. Sex for pleasure rather than as spiritual communion struck me as non-devotional. A career that was not of direct service to humanity, travel for leisure rather than a pilgrimage... these seemed the epitome of worldliness. Somehow I knew that it would never be too late to follow the spiritual path, so I would try as much of the social norm as I could take.

The transition from high school to college gave me an opportunity to do just that in the most awkward of ways. Coming from a childhood marked with a series of unsettled transition beginning around 9 years old, my attempt at gaining status and standing was an extremely bumbling pursuit. Though very natural for my peers, a "conventional" career path didn't last me all the way through my twenties. It felt like a lie, and everyone around me knew it. I was fascinated by ancient wisdom, longed to experience earth-based ceremony, to touch the Higher Mind. Nature-based healing techniques pulled my interest. The Hermit and Hierophant archetypes fascinated me, both solitary, wandering mystics. 

Just before the mid-point of my junior year in college a homeopathic remedy (a "constitutional dose")  brought me home with a crash. After my fourth yoga class ever the remedy kicked in and I could no longer pretend to be part of the mainstream. The truth of me could not be ignored: the academic world would crush my soul. In my heart I knew that my life was meant to serve others, and I could not pour myself into any study found in the halls of academia. I left a full-tuition scholarship with all my possessions, including pocket sized Tao Te Ching & Bhagavad Gita, to embark on self-study.

I soon came to martial arts. Right away it became clear that this is a practice of discipline. My soul perked up when I heard "if you want to make progress, practice three hours on your own between classes", guidance that echoes the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali: progress will be seen in proportion to the level of effort given to it. I continued to travel but learned martial arts avidly. I took all free and introductory classes I came across, gathering fragments of different arts, and practiced them in a park.

Self-study eventually required funding. I got a job waiting tables in Harvard Square, Boston. Divine Grace opened my awareness to the Boston Shiatsu School after a year of passing directly below it from a taekwondo school to the restaurant. It was 1997. Thus began my commitment to Shiatsu Bodywork, the earthly partner of my Spiritual Path.

Sometimes I think about what a "hot mess" I was during these days. I tried to be a "good person", but was emotionally volatile, easily triggered, and identified more with the archetypes of science fiction than any human in society. As I moved around the country I encountered people who had stabile homes, lived near their families or close to childhood people and places. This was totally foreign to me. I didn't know how to behave in society. Seriously, I had no understanding of social politeness, and I'm fairly certain I was the wildcard at any gathering.

My friends didn't know what to expect from me. My constant companion was a sketchbook, which I schlepped everywhere to unload the contents of my subconscious. Anyone who asked about it was given access to it. It was the only way I knew to communicate with myself.

Martial arts helped me find focus, acknowledge the effect I had on others and learn to follow. Shiatsu pulled me out of aimless wandering and started the long process of becoming a person. It was not only a safe landing place, it was the school I had been seeking. I began to see the deep and wordless journey I had been on.

To be continued....

Take-aways from September 2024 travel

At the Shiatsu College:

Dragon mural on Red Lion Road, Norwich, England. 

I cannot overstate how wonderful it is to be among colleagues. Especially in the context of having been on travel and not being able to do the Shiatsu practice for 3 months, it is refreshing to experience the knowledge coming through me on a reflexive level. Cat Woodward is simply gifted in front of a group, albiet these are very enthusiastic learners, she has a comfort level in her own body that models the concepts she conveys. Basti Deans has a variety of the same that continually confirms my belief that the Wizarding World of Harry Potter is based on reality. Clearly there are as many ways of being an effective Shiatsu Practitioner as there are people who practice Shiatsu.

At Philippa's Ashtanga Nirvrta training:

The message hit home that the most correct form is the best form at all times. In the past I have allowed myself a few repetitions of the Sun Salutation to "warm-up" with and take three breath cycles in Extended Side Angle B to let the space sink in. Nope. Philippa insisted that I find the exact form immediately. This teacher has more than 30 years invested in her practice and is onto the 5th Series. (I've been seriously working on the 2nd Series for almost 7 years.) How much more credential do I need to trust her to guide my practice? With Philippa's adjustments every day my practice, body and mind fee better.

Philippa Asher in Downward Facing Dog.

Landing in Portland:

This gave me time to dive into the new yoga material at Near East Yoga and deepen my connection with that community. Casey Palmer excells in his understanding of yoga philosophy. He teaches aspects of Ashtanga that are not commonly found in yoga shalas including immersion into the Yoga Sutras. Being able to spend any time in his shala is worth the trip and even worth the awkward practice hours. He's not currently staffed enough to hold a 4-hour Mysore practice window, but I saw the glimmer of an assistant-in-training.

Before leaving the Pacific Northwest:

I stopped into K2 Gym, a hidden gem in Everett, WA, featuring Jiu Jitsu, Boxing and Kettlebell Sport training, owned by Saiko Shima-Kolser a former KB Sport student. She set up a 75-minute time for me to teach Recover Smarter. I created this class specifically for her people, distilling the essence of my Ashtanga learning into anatomical terms and experiencial exercises. The class was a hit, opening the door for more visits and classes in the future. Saiko also asked for me to develop of a stretching routine for her younger athletes to do after training. I'm hoping to return to her gym with more information in the later part of January next year.

I want to skip over the car accident that happened in Spokane, WA, but the take-aways there are so rich it's not possible. Whether it was my fault for not stopping at an unfamilliar uncontrolled intersection, my impatience to return to Missoula and blind trust that another person would yield, or simply the Universe forcing me out of the idea that My Plan is the one that's going to happen, my car was hit in the back passenger door to the extent that the right rear tire was bent on the axel and the side airbag went off. I spent Sunday through Thursday of that week unravelling the emotional impact (no physical injury to myself or the other driver) and finding out just how the insurance claim process works. 

My metaphorical surfboard was made of Grace. The person who had let me stay in her spare room for the stop-over from Saturday to Sunday still had that room available for me during the next week. She also has a two-car driveway that my crushed Little One is occupying while it's fate is being determined. By the time I started looking for another car my surfboard became Faith, and this is what happened. By Wednesday I was looking for another vehicle, Thursday I found a replacement in Couer d'Alene, Idaho, and on Friday October 11th a loan officer at Clearwater Credit Union made the paperwork happen to get that car paid for. Because the car I had just bought wasn't ready that day, I loaded a rental car with most of my posessions and drove back to Missoula.

It was a stunning event. Not even knowing if the insurance company is going to declare my car a total loss is part of the amazingness of it all. I have returned to Missoula to get my stuff into the new home I arranged before leaving. Also, there was a world-wide walking meditation scheduled for Saturday morning, and I absolutely needed to attend. The folks who befriended and let me stay at their rustic cottage offered that place again, not knowing any of what was happening to me. At the beginning of the meditation, the leader declared "This one is for The World! It's a New World!" As I breathed and visualized, I knew that there will be nothing the same in my present or future life as what was with me upon leaving Missoula on September 15th.

It is now October 18th. I've been in Missoula for a week. It's been a busy time setting up a free class at the library, connecting with yoga and bodywork community and looking into future classes that I can offer both locally and away. The insurance debaukle is still unresolved as the insurance adjuster is out of her office until next Monday.

England trip travel notes

 Norwich, the largest city in Norfolk County, East England

Right off the plane I boarded a train to Norwich (Nor'ich makes it so the conductor doesn't give you a double-take). Exited the train and immediately smelled the place in vivid color. Monty Python depicted the smells very well, in period style, of chamber pots and food scraps being tossed out of windows onto the street. Conjures something like that.

Once I found the Air BnB, a Tesco (more later on this) and located an Apple store to get an electrical socket adapter, I slept 10 hours.

The next day, multiple discoveries:

• It's the place where the classic rural English accent must originate. Farmers Market = Fahmas Mahket, Castle = Cahsel, City Center = Ci'y Centa. Recall the old movie Labarynth, "tha' way goes strait to the cahsel."
• The place was built by and for horse carts, thus resembles our New England towns, ie. many spokes rotating around a central hub (Ci'y Centa & the Cahsel) created by concentric spirals. Ergo there are no straight roads.
• Food smells, especially pastries, are akin to road signs indicating when it's time for that meal.
• As the county market seat, it also is home to some 54 churches or cathedrals (two of them pictured below). This type of archetecture on cobble stone pathways is the style of Norwich.

Rather than turn on GPS and follow my phone, I decided to pull up a map on my laptop and study it in sections. When I got lost I would sit on a stoop, pull out the computer and reorient. In this way I learned some visual landmarks and main roads. ie. the football stadium, the hill up to the castle, Prince of Wales & Rampant Horse Streets.

A good deal of hill walking every day, some of them quite steep! Pedestrian ways abound in Norwich. Every few blocks a little segment of a map is posted to orient people, as many destinations include streets that turn off at irregular angles, or are actually more like alleys.

London, third largest city in the World
London, huge. Emerging from the Underground/Tube after four-and-a-half days on foot in Nor'ich, I immediately felt the modern vibe, ie concrete sidewalk. A bit more space between stinkiness, but still very present smells.

I had reserved my entire London stay in one of the YHA hostels. Due to human error, I ended up getting moved to a different location, which turned out to be much better proximity to the yoga training and several blocks away from the bustle.

If Norwich has the homogenous, east country accent, London has all the rest of the accents applied to the English language. Like from all other countries and parts of the UK. Employees/volunteers at the hostel gave me the most impressive concert of nationalities I could have found anywhere.

My yoga training was in the highly-touristed Central London where in one block I might hear 3 different languages. Once I figured out how to walk to the yoga venue I was able to start exploring. In London, between two points a mile and a half apart there are infinite routes.

Within the first few days I made a few discoveries:

• Because my 5-day training started each day at 7am and ended when I completed my yoga practice (around 9:30am), I saw several different "Londons": the early-day-no-stores-open London, when the public works employees were cleaning up from the night, morning deliveries arriving. Few other people on the streets, just a few cars; after practice was the late-breakfast-early-museum London, when lines in cafés and tour groups were happening. Mostly tourists, public works employees on the many construction jobs, and a few locals, who stood out by their annoyance at the slow-moving lost visitors. (One evening I saw the mid-dinner-early-bar London, when the "scene" crowds were gathering for the night. The streets smelled of alcohol and cigarettes. Unabashedly slow-moving crowds.)
• A city of many nationalities, major thruways that strongly resemble alleys, beloved park-like squares, double-decker busses, milling crowds, it's amazingly pedestrian-centric.
• Free museum tickets available online! Most museums offer free collection access with a few select exhibits requiring payment. Though tickets are not required, without one the lines are long. I visited the British Museum, the Portrait Museum and Tate Modern.
• The self-catering kitchen is one of the benefits hostels. I was able to buy and prepare fresh food every few days. With the purchase of some super cheep storage containers, it was easy to stay close to my preferred diet.

Food in London
Grocery stores = are everywhere. Tesco is the easiest to find, maybe 4 blocks apart in some places. Low in price and quality. Sainsbury's Local is a step up and present in every neighborhood, while Marks & Spencers (M&S) Foodhall has the greatest variety, quality and are fewer/farther between.

The "made without gluten" selection = are built-in to grocery stores and proportional to the store's stock. Restaurants included dietary need initials (V, NF, GF, DF) and a key on the menu.

Cafés and Bakeries = everywhere. A croissant can be had at any one, but each has a unique selection of other pastries, pies, cakes and savories.

International cuisines = countries I haven't heard of are represented in Central London food. Certainly European, Mediterranean, Indian, Chinese, Mexican... it's a mecca for someone with an adventurous palette.

Clotted cream = The American Keto Culture is missing out big-time. This is very minimally processed rendered milk fat. It's delicious, and isn't part of the American diet because of pasteurization (it is made with fresh milk). There are two main dairy regions in the UK that source the entire country.

Places beyond Central London

• Trafalgar Square. The large plaza surrounding the fountains was filled with Hare Krsna devotees on the Sunday I first saw it, a huge line around the block to get into The National Gallery art museum. The second time I walked through it was blocked off for a movie being filmed in the plaza. This is a place of transit, hardly any touristy things, not even a Tesco.
• Hyde Park Corner. On the day I happened into this area there was a Gay Pride rally. Very cool to see the London gay and trans youth decked out. Seems that the trend is goth meets S&M, by the way. And rainbows everywhere.
• Regent Park. Once I finally walked the other direction from Central London, the next place north is Regent University and the lovely public park. The only place I had to pay (20p) to get into a toilet. After a particularly sweaty practice at Ashtanga Yoga London I went to this park to get fresh air and let my clothes dry out.
• Camden Town is where one of the Triyoga locations sits. I was able to connect with some of the teachers there briefly before wondering farther into the city center, which is an absolute hipness bonanza. Canal-front multi-storied shops, eateries and general touristy gear. This is what Boulder would like to be but never can. The marajuana and psilocybin culture is well-tended here.

Cool and fun moments

Caffé Nero in Norwich City Center. Once I had slept and found the Apple store, I needed a place to sit, charge up and get online. The ladies at this specific shop were just lovely! It was my first scone and butter (clotted cream not available), and a green tea as rich as could be.

The Farmers Market stalls in Norwich are a fun little catacomb of shops that I would certainly visit again.

The health store in Norwich, known by fellow shiatsu students. It wasn't on my map at any resolution. This is what confirmed in my mind that Diagon Alley, from Harry Potter books, is a real place. I felt this little nook actually did open and close in the spaces between doors. They sell 100% Dark (Real) Chocolate in multiple flavors! I got Orange and Cocoa Nibs, and plain.

My bunk mate at the Central London hostel. We both arrived the same day, Laura is an American Mid-Westerner who had arrived for a month-long Shakespeare workshop. We hit it off right away and for the 5 days she stayed kept tabs on each other's daily activities at the beginnings and ends of days. She is still there. We've exchanged an email, and I hope we can continue to correspond.

Healing & Cleansing Part 3

The definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over, expecting different results.

I encountered the above axiom in a movie about someone overcoming excessive substance use. It is quite pertinent to the subject of cleansing, especially when improved health is the anticipated outcome. 

If you've read all the way through parts 1 & 2 you may be wondering if I'm going to leave the story a cliffhanger. This is the third act, where something unexpected enters the picture: Intuition.

An aside for context. Carolyn Myss was an inspiration for me in the first few years of my Shiatsu practice. She was the first person I encountered (in 2002) who talked matter-of-factly about Energy Medicine, the chakras and the reality that mental/emotional conditioning can cause undiagnosable health concerns. I saw her, a Medical Intuitive, as a spokesperson for the reality I was living. In a 2017 TED talk  she acknowledges that there isn't proof that our small daily choices effect our health, but asks the audience to "listen with your heart and your gut, and see if it doesn't settle well there like good chicken soup."

It is the time of year in the Northern Hemisphere for life to cleanse itself, this last installment of Healing & Cleansing is intended to pique the intuition. To call out the deep mammalian sense of knowing that the opportunity to let go of any excess is now, and to trust that the space created in that release will become an avenue for positive change. This is a deliberate shift from healing as the first priority (something has happened to draw complete focus to the health), to cleansing as a method to prevent ineffective habits from building into bigger issues.

Fall Cleansing can be done on any and all levels. Be it literally cleaning house, clearing through mental/emotional turbulence, or switching less nutritious foods for more nutrient dense options. Best to do this well ahead of the holidays/cold season, when the energy of change is all around us. We can move easily in and out of doors to shuttle materials away from and into our homes. And to take some of our mental/emotional conundrums out for fresh air and motion.

Start where you have the most understanding of what will improve your health. Meaning, if it's obvious to you that there is too much sugar and not enough vegetable content in your diet, make a shift in this respect. If you need intellectual proof to help change your thinking, then start a research project. Reach out to a therapist if you know emotions are the hardest barrier. Then find ways to make these changes sustainable. Small and consistent changes give our whole being time to adjust to new experiences.

Acknowledge what you can control now. Because you may not have had complete control over what originally compromised your health. We all make use of strategies to stay intact through potentially damaging times. However these survival tactics need to be reevaluated as soon as danger is passed. In the natural world, our fellow mammals all have methods to shake off trauma and reground themselves. We humans seem to have lost this impulse, but it's still necessary.

Hand-in-hand with this is to admit the truth about strategies that have become bad habits. This may look like statements of ownership such as "I got into the habit of eating convenience foods when I didn't have time to make my own lunch," "I used to let myself overthink situations when I had less security at home," "I let one side-track derail my entire self-care routine," "My thinking became rigid when I was always having to defend my position," etc. This simple act of self-awareness can open a world of new options that would otherwise be unavailable.

Be prepared for the urge to relapse.

• First off, remember that 100% is the easiest choice. This takes all the guess-work and anxiety out of figuring out what is "moderation," especially when choosing better food/drink habits.
• Second, recognize that if a habit has been with you long enough to negatively effect your life, it has it's own routine, and will attempt to reestablish that pattern when you're not paying attention. Similar to what most meditation teachers say, simply notice the deviation and return to your present goal.
• Third, have an Anchor always available for the moments when the body/mind/emotions are throwing the craving code so hard you would abandon all progress for that one indulgent moment. An Anchor can be anything. A fidget toy/worry stone in your pocket, a mantra or affirmation, an essential oil, a book, alarm clock set for an earlier time, a new water bottle, literally anything that keeps you in mind of the new habit you are actively establishing.
• Fourth, when you overcome the urge to relapse, applaud yourself! The accumulation of memories in which you chose a healthier route may some day become your Anchor.

This last installment is the most vague because taking proactive steps for health is a very individual process. Each of us has a unique relationship with our intuition. Indeed, intuition is a "knowing" that will guide us to improved health and connection in life. My suggestions are meant to stimulate your internal awareness. Keep listening to your own instinct for health.

By the way, if you watch only the first 7 minutes of Caroline Myss' TEDx some inspiration will arise.

One final note about proactive health. If we do any cleansing act that endures on any level, it will have a positive effect on all other levels of our being. Just try it, you'll see!

May we all be blessed with the grace and courage to experience life in a healthier way,

Christian