It’s hard for me to imagine the picture of suffering I must have presented in those first 3 months. Every asana was a massive undertaking. To be adjusted at the end of the allotted 5 breaths was like being held underwater. I had 100% decided to restore my body after years of intense, competitive weightlifting, the last 2 of which I spent denying that joint pain (mostly knees, but also hips/low back and shoulders), inability to fully recover physically or emotionally, and dependence on sugar/carbs to the extent of pushing pre-diabetes meant something wasn’t working.
I started my relationship with Ashtanga in 1998, bounced in and out of shalas, meanwhile finding my forever martial art, Ki-Aikido. In 2006 I landed in Annie Pace’s Shakti Sharanam, in Crestone, CO. She was not the first yoga teacher to outright laugh at me as I attempted to “master” poses through shear force of will. With more than a decade of running and weightlifting behind me my legs and shoulders were fused. The Ashtanga Standing series challenged me to release muscles I had diligently built. I was a walking ball of ache for the first year, cross-training weightlifting and Ashtanga. On an instinctive level I knew this yoga would undo damage if only I kept with it, reasoning that strength and flexibility could be built together. This was before I met Kettlebell Sport in 2010.
Looking back on the Kettlebell Sport years I see very clearly that it was determination to excel as an athlete that fueled the brief ascent I had. However there was no point of satisfaction, no “off-season” to recover and feel good about my accomplishments. As I saw the peak of my first growth phase come and go it dawned on me that this was never going to get easier. All I could see for the future was more decrepitude. I started telling myself “when I’m finished with this sport I will return to Ashtanga and aikido.” Yes, kettlebelling overwhelmed my resources so fully that I had to leave my beloved dojo.
In October of 2017 I could no longer deny that lifting was the cause of my pain. I disconnected from Kettlebell Sport and immediately returned to the dojo. Once the crisis of identity passed, at the end of February 2018, I plucked up my courage and took refuge in Ashtanga. As mentioned above I sweat out steel filings. I practiced like my hair was on fire, relying on Annie's trademark "Yoga Nazi" structure to get 6 practices each week. I practiced when I wanted to and when I didn’t. Now that I can look back at the past two years I feel gratitude for my stubborn persistence.
Ashtanga is known as Yoga Therapy, the householder’s yoga. Once a person has learned the sequence it can be practiced mostly at home and occasionally in front of a teacher for adjustments. The supervised practice environment is quite different from a yoga class. Students arrive at any point during the practice hours and simply go through the sequences as far as they have learned. One or more teacher patrols the room making adjustments, giving assists and teaching new material as each individual student is ready. This is known as Mysore practice, named after Mysore, India, where Patabi Jois originated the Ashtanga lineage.
The teachers all have a characteristic lean, flexible, smiling slave-driver nature, reminding me of my former Russian coach. They are all extremely knowledgable and well-practiced themselves, and generally know when to apply the whip and when to standby. Every adjustment toward True Center could begin a process of melting layers of decades-old scar tissue encrusted with emotional identity. The internal process is far too profound and personal to attempt discription. Sweat and tears fall on my yoga mat in regular seasons.
At the beginning of last year I thought, “when I am able to get that backbending asana I will be a different yogini than I am today.” It is true. The way to each new posture requires reconfiguration of muscle patterning, refocus of breathing and a specific gazing point that can change the experience completely. Minute physical adjustments have re-aligned my mental and emotional being. My life has improved, my choices have become more obvious. The new understanding I have of correct alignment has carried into my aikido and bodywork practices. Oh, did I mention the knee, hip/low back and shoulder pain has diminished into residue?
In conclusion I would suggest that anyone who is fortunate enough to have an Ashtanga shala near their home strongly consider making friends with the serieses. It is a discipline. For me it is every bit as challenging as Kettlebell Sport training, but with a far more enriching effect. It can be a life bouy, a sanctuary, a therapy. It can be yours. However, it is not for the uncommitted. Once the unwinding begins it’s best to see it through to the ….er next unwinding.
