The Beauty of Generosity toward Women

Have you ever noticed the amazing change in atmosphere when the sun pours through the clouds on an overcast day? In my years as a bodyworker I have seen a similar shift happen in people when touch reaches a place that relieves pain. Only recently, since finding love in a gentle man have I observed a subtle, gender specific nuance in this phenomenon: while men brighten obviously with the release of tension, it happens to the power of 10 in women.

When He supports Her, He feels Her gratitude.

As mentioned above, this awareness started when a fantastically supportive man entered my life.  He is someone who goes hundreds of extra miles for the people he loves, notices and interacts directly with emotional situations and has more patience for me than anyone I’ve ever known. It was after one of several times we worked together over the holiday that I realized how wonderfully light I felt. And how the small gestures of kindness he had given added up to contentment in my heart.

I have been back to my regular work as a chair massage therapist and guess what? I have found that imitating his spontaneous acts of kindness has yielded a universally positive effect! This seems obvious to the spiritually aware, I know. But the biggest surprise to me has been the extra portion of positivity it brings out in women.

How does this look in practice?

There is a basic level of helpfulness involved in preparing a clients to receive chair massage. As if I were the hostess at a party, I help clients with their jackets, jewelry, assorted items such as cell phones that may interfere with a session, and then find out exactly what is going on.

So what comprises the “extra mile”?

Though it may seem paradoxical, many of us in the bodywork world develop a sense of separation from clients as a survival technique. When a client comes from a place that has no perceivable similarities to our own, or a condition that takes a little bit of negligence to develop, we learn to go through the motions of helping them without opening to their true need. Results are fleeting.
In my highly unscientific experiment with generosity I re-acquainted myself with the original purpose of touch therapy. That is, empathy. It is one of the character traits of people who are in service. As a talent it must be developed through practice, and must be regularly restored. In my experiment with generosity I used this therapeutic tool, coming from a place of genuine concern for people's comfort without expectation of achieving results, as the unexpected gift for my clients.

A bit of back story for non-therapist readers:
In genuinely empathizing with a person’s experience a space opens between myself and the other. This is the place where the light of our human being connects without differentiation. It is a delicate and sacred place that may initiate healing in either of us. I may be confronted with my own wounds when open empathically toward another person. Therapists often work together in this space, possibly in a "retreat" or classroom setting where containment is established and guides are available if a pair should loose their way.
As a therapist "in the field" I do not have an external guide to support me if a deeply empathic connection initiates a healing for me, thus complete trust in our combined wisdom is my act of generosity.

My experimentation with open empathy is where the differences between men and women’s responses to generosity have been observed.

Mind you, these observations are based on chair massage sessions given in a very public place.

With a male client I can make a general assessment according to my perception, and give feed back something like “your arm has a pattern of extending far out of the socket." He may give a sigh and perhaps explain what work he’s been doing, (something like throwing a ball, a work project or incorrect overuse habit) and continue to receive touch in a more open way. As his mind and emotions respond to being seen, we continue the session with greater harmony. In longer sessions, there emerges a feeling of cooperation, as if we have changed roles and he is helping me resolve his own tension. He appears very relieved and grateful at the end of the session. All men seem to be born with genuinely amazing smiles, and give them freely when something unexpectedly pleasant happens. As a generalization, men who have received open generosity access and express the peace within, and seem more able to focus on work.

With a female client if I make a similar observation about her arm she will also heave a sigh, but it will come from a soul-level. She may give a reason for her arm being extending far out of the socket, but more than half of the time this is a statement of being rather than doing. She takes this moment of being recognized to acknowledge her inner need, and may say something like “yes, I’ve been very over-extended since …..  happened.” The opening that follows makes room for much more than a quick patch of the problem. In my observations a significant number of women will open deeply for core healing. In a public place and with any number of things remaining to achieve in the day, I have witnessed women allow decades-old splinters to be removed and integrated healing to begin. The women I’ve seen allow this are deeper people at the end of a session. The air around them is different. It is truly humbling to see the light emitting from a woman whose pain has been seen, and genuine care given to improve her condition.

Based on this minor amount of field study, I have been awakened to a generations-old question, that of chivalry. It is the case that my Sweetheart was raised to take extra care for women. When we first met it seemed a bit contrived. Soon we made an agreement to do these kind acts for each other as a situation required. It is the spirit of chivalry, or un-calculated acts of generosity about him that inspires me to be a better person. In my clients there is an immediate reflection of effectiveness, especially among my own gender. This completely demystifies the question of why centuries of men have taken such pains to extend generosity toward women: when she receives the gift, his world becomes a better place!